That, is how my week started. I woke up on Monday with such a sinking feeling. I was sad; I was frustrated; I was hurt - and all other horrible feelings that can come along. I felt exhausted. Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally. It's the time when I just want to sit by myself in my house and wallow in those misery moments. I don't want to have to fake happiness and joy to entertain people - so I tend to hide away in my house, with my Dvds and just DROWN.
Is this good? I'm thinking a shrink would say a big NO! But, I find it is good (for me) in it's own funny way. While commiserating about my inner issues which I somehow find I don't have anyone to tell about anyway, it reminds me to be grateful about other things in my life in the process. Two days ago, I read a post by a lady in a group that i'm a member of on FB - where we share anything and everything (although it's also limiting because of the huge membership therein) that just floored my heart. She's struggling with something for the past 10 or so years and has been seeing a shrink. She was now put on a two week leave and didn't know what to do as she was broke, so couldn't go on a trip anywhere. It immediately struck me as worrying, because earlier i'd read another post where another lady was commiserating about the desperate situation she finds herself in, to the point she'd considered killing herself. Nothing as bad as being home without anything to do for that length of time, and one who is going through counselling...hmmmm...so, my advice to her was to just do something. Find a book to read; hell, go swimming, but not to stay home idle as they say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop.
Contradictory much? Here I am telling someone to NOT stay home alone, yet i'm one who is soo addicted and married to my solitude? Yes, very contradictory. But I found that taking the camera out to just photograph anything and everything works wonders too, so it's my new therapy.
Did I say inner issues? Today, I read a blog post by Paulo Coelho. This man, seems to read my mind from afar. He seems to always bring out an inspirational quote or story just at the right time. Like now. When i'm struggling with so many inner things and not knowing exactly how to resolve them, I read something from him that just immediately uplifts me and reminds me that, well, i'm not alone. I'm not the only one fighting with inner demons; and that, it is just a momentary thing that can be overcome. I just have to have the faith and purpose to fight it.
In part, Paulo's blog said:
People are realizing more and more that happiness is freedom, and freedom is to be able to “travel light”, not possessing a lot of things, because at the end of the day, the things start to possess you.
In short: the less you have to keep, the more you have in freedom.http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2012/05/19/inner-struggles/comment-page-2/#comment-841599
How I love these 1 minute readings of his. They are 60 seconds of powerful, though provoking reading that have the means to change our lives. I know it's not as easy to overcome the issues, but, i'll keep reminding myself to ask God to "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and courage to change the things I can".
I purpose to be just that little bit happier. I purpose to not let anything and everything get me down. I purpose to keep less in order to have more freedom. So help me God.
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