The title above is part of a statement made by a now deceased politician, at a time in when he was ambushed by the politics that he so loved.
I borrowed it, for I feel ambushed. I've been under ambush for the past 5/6 years. Was it by design, or by default, i'm yet to figure out. But, "there come a time" and that time is now.
We've had a nagging issue for quite a long time - but more so over the last 5-6 years. As individuals, we are all shirking from the responsibility of dealing with/managing this issue. As a group, we cannot even muster enough unity of purpose to stand together to handle this situation. As a result, we've left the issue to fester and take advantage of our disunity. Unfortunately, since it seems that i'm the only one still trying to follow-up on it, most of the headache regarding this issue lands on my lap (well, phone, really) and it is driving me insane.
For one, i'm the last born, so technically, the 6 or so others above me ought to be giving direction as required. That hasn't quite happened. Secondly, where I've tried to give suggestions, it was shot down and no other solution has been provided. So, we're stuck in a quagmire of epic proportions and I just can't hack it anymore.
What I do know, is that I've picked up a few lessons with this saga.
1) It is important to cultivate a trusting relationship with a family member or a friend whose opinion you trust and value, so that when they provide advice to you, you can genuinely listen and consider it.
2) Do unto others as you'd like them to do unto you.
3) As I grow older, I pray/hope/need/want/dream that I will still stick to my values and principles, but not be too stubborn to listen and consider others points of view (So Help Me God).
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Despair and Despondency
That, is how my week started. I woke up on Monday with such a sinking feeling. I was sad; I was frustrated; I was hurt - and all other horrible feelings that can come along. I felt exhausted. Mentally, Physically, and Emotionally. It's the time when I just want to sit by myself in my house and wallow in those misery moments. I don't want to have to fake happiness and joy to entertain people - so I tend to hide away in my house, with my Dvds and just DROWN.
Is this good? I'm thinking a shrink would say a big NO! But, I find it is good (for me) in it's own funny way. While commiserating about my inner issues which I somehow find I don't have anyone to tell about anyway, it reminds me to be grateful about other things in my life in the process. Two days ago, I read a post by a lady in a group that i'm a member of on FB - where we share anything and everything (although it's also limiting because of the huge membership therein) that just floored my heart. She's struggling with something for the past 10 or so years and has been seeing a shrink. She was now put on a two week leave and didn't know what to do as she was broke, so couldn't go on a trip anywhere. It immediately struck me as worrying, because earlier i'd read another post where another lady was commiserating about the desperate situation she finds herself in, to the point she'd considered killing herself. Nothing as bad as being home without anything to do for that length of time, and one who is going through counselling...hmmmm...so, my advice to her was to just do something. Find a book to read; hell, go swimming, but not to stay home idle as they say, an idle mind is the devil's workshop.
Contradictory much? Here I am telling someone to NOT stay home alone, yet i'm one who is soo addicted and married to my solitude? Yes, very contradictory. But I found that taking the camera out to just photograph anything and everything works wonders too, so it's my new therapy.
Did I say inner issues? Today, I read a blog post by Paulo Coelho. This man, seems to read my mind from afar. He seems to always bring out an inspirational quote or story just at the right time. Like now. When i'm struggling with so many inner things and not knowing exactly how to resolve them, I read something from him that just immediately uplifts me and reminds me that, well, i'm not alone. I'm not the only one fighting with inner demons; and that, it is just a momentary thing that can be overcome. I just have to have the faith and purpose to fight it.
In part, Paulo's blog said:
People are realizing more and more that happiness is freedom, and freedom is to be able to “travel light”, not possessing a lot of things, because at the end of the day, the things start to possess you.
In short: the less you have to keep, the more you have in freedom.http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2012/05/19/inner-struggles/comment-page-2/#comment-841599
How I love these 1 minute readings of his. They are 60 seconds of powerful, though provoking reading that have the means to change our lives. I know it's not as easy to overcome the issues, but, i'll keep reminding myself to ask God to "grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and courage to change the things I can".
I purpose to be just that little bit happier. I purpose to not let anything and everything get me down. I purpose to keep less in order to have more freedom. So help me God.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Days Like This
It's days like this that I totally HATE my job. BTW, I had a fantastic day yesterday. Somehow everything seemed to be falling in place. Travel plans done; consultants' contracts signed; I got several prizes from the office New Year (Pi Mai) party raffle; I got a new office laptop - WOW. I left the office yesterday on a BIG HIGH.
Okay, I was of the opinion that this project should be cancelled altogether seeing that there was no tangible output during the 2 years (with constant backstopping and engagement on our part) but Supervisors said that i'm "impatient" and that we should give them time. At the project completion date, we had to practically force them to prepare reports on the project activities in order to receive payment. We then set about preparing an amendment to the original project document, which would give them a no-cost extension to the project. We asked them to carefully consider their request and the timeline. They said that an extra 12 months would suffice. I prepared the documents and sent them to review before sending them to our main office. They said the timeline they asked for was enough.
#TotallyFrustrating!!!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Making The Most of a Situation: My views
I just saw that I have about 4 blog entries so far this year! WOW! How COOL is that? I'm super proud of myself for that. It's not that I don't have much to say, but I have to work extra hard to be extra careful about how I say it and that usually kills the mojo. I'm hoping though, that i'll make it regular enough, even if some may turn out to be one paragraph blogs or just posting of links FYI.
Today's posting: Make the most of the situations you find yourself in. It's very easy to pick out negatives or positives and then just RUN with them. The results can be varied: might end up being a good thing as you save yourself some distress or hurt; might end up being a bad thing in that you may end up having a wrong impression of something. But there's always something to learn about the people and situations involved.
I'm generally a pessimist (it helps especially when things to bad as they often do because in my view, it allows me to prepare for Plan B/C/D or just the disappointment that comes along). But, i'm learning to be pessimistic in a positive manner. Over the past couple of years, and more so over the last two-three weeks, I've been experiencing a lot of stuff from all corners - work, family, friends, etc. Everybody seems to think it's me....of course, I don't agree with them. Over that time, I've learned one skill - to sit back and review carefully the goings on, picking out the positives and negatives from them. I find that I am able to deal much better with them and the consequences arising. The lessons i've picked:
Work - the general idea of being at a work place is to of course provide the service, but to also learn from the place as much as possible. We generally learn how to work in an office: how to draft letters; how to communicate verbally with colleagues and strangers; how to communicate with the communities we serve; how to prepare project documents - proposals, reports, etc. We learn about our organisations and other like-minded organisations. But, there's also another learning that is possible within the organisations. Learning how NOT to do stuff. So, for all those "negative" things that you experience in your workplace, still take it as a positive and learn from them. I can honestly tell you that I have learned how NOT to mismanage communication; I've learned how to NOT dis-empower people; I've learned NOT to assume things; I have learned to fight for what is right; I've learned NOT to take advantage of people and NOT to take other people for granted (e.g. support staff). I've learned NOT to put up with mediocrity. I've learned also that TEAMWORK is just a MYTH - so, I just NIKE - i.e. JUST DO IT even though it may not be my responsibility, but if it is related to my assignment in any way, I JUST DO IT. I've learned that your time and effort will never be appreciated - but, one must stick to what they signed onto when they were employed. So you have to suck it in and continue to provide the services anyway. The most important thing is stick to the SOPs and you will never go wrong.
Family - WOW.....the lessons I've learned from this one are just more than I can post about. More importantly though I have learned that no matter how old you are, the older people still treat you like a kid and expect that you will just go with the flow/follow their lead, even when it's not leading in a good direction because they seem to always know what's best. I've learned that even though i'm much younger, I really do look at things from a different angle that most of them don't, and which inevitably become VERY important aspects later on. I've learned that I need to stand on my own and not expect that support from any other person - that if it comes, well and good. If it doesn't, I need to be strong enough to move along by myself.
Friends - same learning as with family; same learning as with work. The nature of the world today has meant that friends are only there when good things happen. Friends have no space to accommodate friends issues anymore, which is understandable - there's really so much going on in the world and in people's lives, they're bound to be tired of listening to other people's problems. But, I've learned, from my own experiences, to always reach out and when one reaches out to me, to always be there for them no matter what I'm going through in my life. To never get exhausted by a friend that is reaching outNow, don't be cheated: I've got my own fair share of dramas. I have increasingly found myself without people to talk to about it. Some try to show you that they also have similar or more pressing issues, rather than just providing you that arm to lean on, or that shoulder to cry on. So, I've learned to suck my stuff up and STAND on my own and somehow these things just work out on their own - that's the mighty hand of the Man Above at work I believe. So, through this experience, i've learned to "accept the things I cannot change".
The moral of the story - several passages later is....MAKE THE MOST OF THE SITUATIONS you find yourself in; positive or negative, they provide very valuable lessons either way.
Today's posting: Make the most of the situations you find yourself in. It's very easy to pick out negatives or positives and then just RUN with them. The results can be varied: might end up being a good thing as you save yourself some distress or hurt; might end up being a bad thing in that you may end up having a wrong impression of something. But there's always something to learn about the people and situations involved.
I'm generally a pessimist (it helps especially when things to bad as they often do because in my view, it allows me to prepare for Plan B/C/D or just the disappointment that comes along). But, i'm learning to be pessimistic in a positive manner. Over the past couple of years, and more so over the last two-three weeks, I've been experiencing a lot of stuff from all corners - work, family, friends, etc. Everybody seems to think it's me....of course, I don't agree with them. Over that time, I've learned one skill - to sit back and review carefully the goings on, picking out the positives and negatives from them. I find that I am able to deal much better with them and the consequences arising. The lessons i've picked:
Work - the general idea of being at a work place is to of course provide the service, but to also learn from the place as much as possible. We generally learn how to work in an office: how to draft letters; how to communicate verbally with colleagues and strangers; how to communicate with the communities we serve; how to prepare project documents - proposals, reports, etc. We learn about our organisations and other like-minded organisations. But, there's also another learning that is possible within the organisations. Learning how NOT to do stuff. So, for all those "negative" things that you experience in your workplace, still take it as a positive and learn from them. I can honestly tell you that I have learned how NOT to mismanage communication; I've learned how to NOT dis-empower people; I've learned NOT to assume things; I have learned to fight for what is right; I've learned NOT to take advantage of people and NOT to take other people for granted (e.g. support staff). I've learned NOT to put up with mediocrity. I've learned also that TEAMWORK is just a MYTH - so, I just NIKE - i.e. JUST DO IT even though it may not be my responsibility, but if it is related to my assignment in any way, I JUST DO IT. I've learned that your time and effort will never be appreciated - but, one must stick to what they signed onto when they were employed. So you have to suck it in and continue to provide the services anyway. The most important thing is stick to the SOPs and you will never go wrong.
Family - WOW.....the lessons I've learned from this one are just more than I can post about. More importantly though I have learned that no matter how old you are, the older people still treat you like a kid and expect that you will just go with the flow/follow their lead, even when it's not leading in a good direction because they seem to always know what's best. I've learned that even though i'm much younger, I really do look at things from a different angle that most of them don't, and which inevitably become VERY important aspects later on. I've learned that I need to stand on my own and not expect that support from any other person - that if it comes, well and good. If it doesn't, I need to be strong enough to move along by myself.
Friends - same learning as with family; same learning as with work. The nature of the world today has meant that friends are only there when good things happen. Friends have no space to accommodate friends issues anymore, which is understandable - there's really so much going on in the world and in people's lives, they're bound to be tired of listening to other people's problems. But, I've learned, from my own experiences, to always reach out and when one reaches out to me, to always be there for them no matter what I'm going through in my life. To never get exhausted by a friend that is reaching outNow, don't be cheated: I've got my own fair share of dramas. I have increasingly found myself without people to talk to about it. Some try to show you that they also have similar or more pressing issues, rather than just providing you that arm to lean on, or that shoulder to cry on. So, I've learned to suck my stuff up and STAND on my own and somehow these things just work out on their own - that's the mighty hand of the Man Above at work I believe. So, through this experience, i've learned to "accept the things I cannot change".
The moral of the story - several passages later is....MAKE THE MOST OF THE SITUATIONS you find yourself in; positive or negative, they provide very valuable lessons either way.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Epilepsy Awareness - March 26 2012
I didn't know that such a day existed. But, that's the beauty of the internet. It is easy to get such information, as opposed to the olden days.
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Epilepsy is defined as: "a brain disorder in which a person has repeated seizures (convulsions) over time. Seizures are episodes of disturbed brain activity that cause changes in attention or behavior. Epilepsy occurs when permanent changes in brain tissue cause the brain to be too excitable or jumpy. The brain sends out abnormal signals. This results in repeated, unpredictable seizures. (A single seizure that does not happen again is not epilepsy.) Epilepsy may be due to a medical condition or injury that affects the brain, or the cause may be unknown (idiopathic)".
The day is marked by a purple ribbon - and people often wear purple, to observe the day. I too will don my purple top tomorrow to show solidarity with sufferers of this disease. The observance of this day was started in 2008, by nine-year-old Cassidy Megan of Nova Scotia, Canada, with the help of the Epilepsy Association of Nova Scotia (EANS). Cassidy chose the colour purple after the international colour for epilepsy, lavender. The lavender flower is also often associated with solitude, which is representative of the feelings of isolation many people affected by epilepsy and seizure disorders often feel. Cassidy's goal is for people with epilepsy everywhere to know they are not alone. To learn more about Cassidy and Global Purple Day Partners EANS and The Anita Kaufmann Foundation (AKFUS), please visit http://www.purpleday.org/.
To be honest, I still don't know much about this disease. My first experience with it was as traumatic as anything ever. One day while seated in a room, my otherwise healthy relative let out a long cry and proceeded to convulse. I don't remember how old I was, but I was damned scared of the situation, and frankly, to this day continue to be. You have to understand that, as a kid growing up, we only ever knew of people suffering from Malaria as the WORST disease (don't get me wrong, but that was the only ailment we knew in people). This one - we had no idea what it was, and how it came about, although from my understanding, it may have been a brain injury as a result of a car accident. The only treatment available is medication.
My relative continues to suffer from them. I am ashamed to say that I have never had a discussion with him about it. He's had several seizures in my presence, and it still scares me what could happen to him if they come on when he's not in a "safe" environment. But, I continue to pray for him and hope that he continues to manage the disease well as he somehow has over the past few years.
So, for the day, I remember and honour my relative, this disease and the many people suffering from it (Epilepsy affects over 50 million people worldwide or approximately 1 in 100 people. That's more than multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy and Parkinson's disease combined ~ according to http://www.purpleday.org/). I really do hope a more sustainable and long lasting cure for the disease could be found. In the meantime, I salute you for continuing your life without letting the disease hinder anything that you do!
My prayer for this year is that I one day get the courage to discuss this disease with him. To learn more about it from him, and how he has managed himself over the year. More importantly, to show him my support as he battles the disease.
The day is marked by a purple ribbon - and people often wear purple, to observe the day. I too will don my purple top tomorrow to show solidarity with sufferers of this disease. The observance of this day was started in 2008, by nine-year-old Cassidy Megan of Nova Scotia, Canada, with the help of the Epilepsy Association of Nova Scotia (EANS). Cassidy chose the colour purple after the international colour for epilepsy, lavender. The lavender flower is also often associated with solitude, which is representative of the feelings of isolation many people affected by epilepsy and seizure disorders often feel. Cassidy's goal is for people with epilepsy everywhere to know they are not alone. To learn more about Cassidy and Global Purple Day Partners EANS and The Anita Kaufmann Foundation (AKFUS), please visit http://www.purpleday.org/.
To be honest, I still don't know much about this disease. My first experience with it was as traumatic as anything ever. One day while seated in a room, my otherwise healthy relative let out a long cry and proceeded to convulse. I don't remember how old I was, but I was damned scared of the situation, and frankly, to this day continue to be. You have to understand that, as a kid growing up, we only ever knew of people suffering from Malaria as the WORST disease (don't get me wrong, but that was the only ailment we knew in people). This one - we had no idea what it was, and how it came about, although from my understanding, it may have been a brain injury as a result of a car accident. The only treatment available is medication.
My relative continues to suffer from them. I am ashamed to say that I have never had a discussion with him about it. He's had several seizures in my presence, and it still scares me what could happen to him if they come on when he's not in a "safe" environment. But, I continue to pray for him and hope that he continues to manage the disease well as he somehow has over the past few years.
So, for the day, I remember and honour my relative, this disease and the many people suffering from it (Epilepsy affects over 50 million people worldwide or approximately 1 in 100 people. That's more than multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, muscular dystrophy and Parkinson's disease combined ~ according to http://www.purpleday.org/). I really do hope a more sustainable and long lasting cure for the disease could be found. In the meantime, I salute you for continuing your life without letting the disease hinder anything that you do!
My prayer for this year is that I one day get the courage to discuss this disease with him. To learn more about it from him, and how he has managed himself over the year. More importantly, to show him my support as he battles the disease.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
If You don't know me by now......
All I have to say today to the world is: If you don't know me by now, then you will NEVER EVER know me....
Sunday, February 12, 2012
R.I.P Whitney - An Angel loaned to the world by God
Wow. Shock. Disbelief. Utter Sadness - these don't begin to express what I felt when I read, on FB, about Whitney Houston's passing. Who doesn't know Whitney? All I can say is I pity you. This woman had the voice of an angel. She sang, and left you with goose bumps, and before you knew it, a huge lump develops and tears roll down your cheeks. Her voice still elicits the same effect on me when I listen to her music. Yes, that's what she was. So much so that she earned two Emmy Awards, six Grammy Awards, 30 Billboard Music Awards, 22 American Music Awards during her career. Her album "Whitney" was the first female album to ever debut at #1 on the Billboard Charts. She has sold 200 million albums worldwide.
Condolences to the family and close friends. As fans, We Will ALWAYS LOVE YOU
I grew up in the 80s. I never before bought an album/tape as it were those days. Whitney's was my first ever purchased album, because all she brought out was THAT GOOD. She was a regular in our house, thanks to growing up the last born in a family of 8 siblings. I thank God now, that I grew up at that time, when I was able to appreciate the music of such greats as Michael, Whitney and the now also departed Etta James. I couldn't quite pick a favourite out of her songs (How Will I Know; I Will Always Love You; I'm Every Woman; I'm Your Baby Tonight; I Have Nothing; I Learned From The Best; My Name Is Not Susan; One Moment In Time; Where Do Broken Hearts Go; Didn't We Almost Have It All; I Believe In You And Me; You Give Good Love; Saving All My Love) I remember we always tried to hit those vocals (eh, unsuccessfully). But, I feel like a little piece of my childhood has gone....:(
R.I.P Whitney. You had a troubled life in your later years. The whole world was rooting for your recovery, but we won't dwell on that. We remember fondly that amazing talent. That amazing voice. Those memorable, touching and poignant songs. Rest with the angels, Whitney. We only borrowed you a little, but I imagine the chorus line up in Heaven just got that much more livelier.
It's still very surreal. But, as Janet Jackson said: "Please cherish life and those around you. Tomorrow is never promised,”
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
I'm a stickler; I'm a creature; I'm a HUMAN
Yup, i'm truly living up to my reputation of being an Occasional Blogger. You see, so many things cross my/our minds; but there never seems to be enough time. Wait! There probably is, but it's just occupied by other things (re: FACEBOOK). But, I again promise to be a little more faithful to my blog.
I'm a stickler: I love to follow rules. After all, there's always a good reason why they were set up in the first place. I view rules as ways of harmonising things - otherwise, if we all decided to do what we want to do, what a mess that would create in an already chaotic world! So, why is it that others feel the need to NOT FOLLOW rules? For example, many work places have what are termed as Standard Operating Procedures. Over the past coupla years, i've had to encounter those that a) are ignorant of these SOPs; and are b) intent on not following such established SOPs. The result has been total frustration for me because when you ask them to justify why they won't follow the rules, they have absolutely no reasons for it!!!!
I'm a creature: Duh....of course. Hahaha. But, i'm a creature of habit. I have set routines for everything about my personal life that I don't like to break. Why? Because, when I break them, that totally confuses and frustrates me. I do things in a programmed manner - very difficult life to live in this rather haphazard and confused world we live in. I like to follow a routine when I wake up in the morning; I have a routine for how my work stars at my desk each day; I have a routine for how my Friday evening should go and my life is one big routine. The Security Test said not to stick to e.g. one route when going home as this could be potentially dangerous if you have people targetting you. And i'm like, yeah right! I hate my routine being interfered with. So, i'm not a good person when it comes to "impromptu" plans. I need to be given advanced warning about stuff - and, if you want me to be an active participant in whatever it is, it is best to keep this in mind.
So, what does that make me? Predictable? Difficult? Complicated, or what? Is it such a bad thing? I wish people took the time out to know me, my thinking and my likes; it really would make our relationship less complicated.
More later...I have lots of things to write about, but I also have to get the juices flowing again.
I'm a stickler: I love to follow rules. After all, there's always a good reason why they were set up in the first place. I view rules as ways of harmonising things - otherwise, if we all decided to do what we want to do, what a mess that would create in an already chaotic world! So, why is it that others feel the need to NOT FOLLOW rules? For example, many work places have what are termed as Standard Operating Procedures. Over the past coupla years, i've had to encounter those that a) are ignorant of these SOPs; and are b) intent on not following such established SOPs. The result has been total frustration for me because when you ask them to justify why they won't follow the rules, they have absolutely no reasons for it!!!!
I'm a creature: Duh....of course. Hahaha. But, i'm a creature of habit. I have set routines for everything about my personal life that I don't like to break. Why? Because, when I break them, that totally confuses and frustrates me. I do things in a programmed manner - very difficult life to live in this rather haphazard and confused world we live in. I like to follow a routine when I wake up in the morning; I have a routine for how my work stars at my desk each day; I have a routine for how my Friday evening should go and my life is one big routine. The Security Test said not to stick to e.g. one route when going home as this could be potentially dangerous if you have people targetting you. And i'm like, yeah right! I hate my routine being interfered with. So, i'm not a good person when it comes to "impromptu" plans. I need to be given advanced warning about stuff - and, if you want me to be an active participant in whatever it is, it is best to keep this in mind.
So, what does that make me? Predictable? Difficult? Complicated, or what? Is it such a bad thing? I wish people took the time out to know me, my thinking and my likes; it really would make our relationship less complicated.
More later...I have lots of things to write about, but I also have to get the juices flowing again.
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